Knowing How to Not Know
I’m not sure if it’s a product of our information-saturated world or simply an innate feature of my personality, but I tend to have a distinct need to “know it all” (to the tune of the Pokémon theme song). I wouldn’t call it a need to be the smartest person in the room, of course, but instead, it’s a desire to be as prepared as possible.
We’ve all been there. You’ve got an outside event the next day, so you look up the weather to make sure you wear the correct attire. It’s your turn to make dinner, so you take stock and look up recipes to make sure you dish out the most delicious feast you can. When we’ve got handy, little devices that give us access to information we need, there’s no shame in looking something up!
As for myself, this quest to Know Things oftentimes leads to specific plans, schedules, or even just mountains of notes that I can refer back to whenever a problem comes up. There’s no shame in that either, I think! I’m sure others are the same!
To give you an idea of how much I value scheduling and keeping to the plans I’ve created, I once turned down an extra day at Disney World because it wasn’t part of my mental itinerary. Go ahead and laugh; It’s a pretty silly thing to say no to, and I’m sure Mickey missed me that day! Even now, I’m fairly certain that I would do the same thing.
After all, when you’ve gone through all the effort to be as prepared as possible, diverting from a particular plan can be pretty irksome. So we look things up. We get ready and do our best with whatever comes our way.
But then something comes along that we’re in no way prepared for. A pop quiz. A hairball at the foot of your bed when you wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom. A surprise visit from your friend that lives two states over. The opportunity to go to Disney World a day early.
Or a new job in a new country.
For the longest time, going to Japan was my plan in some form or fashion. I wanted to live and work there as a translator, even just for a while, and a lot of my highschool and college plans reflected that. Of course, whether we like it or not, plans change, and I realized that while I adore the language and find great joy in translating, I didn’t want my livelihood to depend on it. Something about having my next meal depend on something that I found to be a delightfully challenging hobby made me nervous that I would fall out of love with it and burn out too quickly.
Thus, my plans changed, though only slightly. I still did some freelance translation work, and I continued with studies in my never-ending pursuit towards fluency. I started looking into the world of editing, writing, and teaching, though the love I have for Japan and its fascinating language never left.
So imagine my utter exhilaration, glee, and confusion when I found out that I was accepted to work with the Tuscaloosa Sister Cities International ALT exchange program! I felt–and still feel–so blessed and grateful for the opportunity! A whole year to work in the country I had become so enraptured by. A chance to go and meet new people, learn new things, and have an experience that would have otherwise been impossible.
Yes, it was my old dream coming true, and while my first reaction was true delight, unease was creeping up on me. I was happy, of course, but then I started to wonder: What would this mean for my life here in the states? What about my friends, family, boyfriend, and beloved pet cat? Suddenly, all of those questions were filling my head, and one thought blasted itself to the front of my mind: “I need to know.”
I have been fortunate enough to visit Japan twice before, but it’s been a good five years or so since those visits. To try and calm my nerves, I looked through some old pictures and memories in an attempt to gather as much information as I could. Sixteen-year-old me did a great job capturing some moments (lots of photos of food), but unfortunately, none of the pictures I took really answered my mountains of questions! To give you an idea of what kinds of pictures I was working with, here are a few:
Needless to say, I loved walking down memory lane, but I still had plenty of questions that had to be answered! So, naturally, I turned to Google.
You should’ve seen my search history. Everything ranging from the mundane (“phone internet plan Japan”) to the absurd (“peanut butter brands Japan”). I had it all in there. But I still wanted (nay, needed!) to know more. With Covid-19 looming over international travel, my brain was having a meltdown trying to keep up with everything that it felt it needed to research.
(For those interested, according to my research, it can be difficult to find proper peanut butter in Japan. Luckily, though, it seems like the Skippy brand can be found in some grocery stores! Will update when I see for myself! I’m fairly certain I’d perish without Peanut Butter.)
Most of these searches were fueled by simple, pure excitement! Others, though, were products of panic. Eventually, I found myself Googling in circles. Anxiety was knocking on excitement’s door, and it had murder in its eyes.
As I felt myself becoming more nervous, I started to think about all of the different things that have happened in my twenty-two years of life. There were times when I felt like the world was ending (“Mom, I left my lucky ring on the playground!”; Snowpocalypse 2013; “SOS, I couldn’t get into university housing and need a place to live!”), yet things always managed to work out, and the end results were usually better than I ever could have planned. If I could survive through those trials, what’s stopping me from making it through a big, positive life change?
Flexibility, be it doing the splits or readjusting my planner, has never been a strong suit of mine, but it’s something I have really tried to work on over the years. Perhaps you, reader, are the same way. If so, I hope we can learn as much as possible together, conquer that need to “know it all”, and still be content with some surprises in the end. It’s time for me (and maybe you!) to delight in the unknown. The notes, Google searches, and plans are not to be a source of shame, but they are not to be a source of anxiety, either. All good things in moderation, as the old saying goes.
This amazing opportunity to work in Japan will challenge me in more ways than I can count–Rather, more ways than I can know.
And that’s okay.
I’d like to take a brief moment at the end of this post to thank all of those that have aided me in this process as I prepare to go abroad! Special thanks to Honorary Consul General to Japan, Mark Jackson, and TSCI Executive Director, Lisa Keys. Tuscaloosa Sister Cities International, as I stated above, has given me such a golden opportunity, and I will always be grateful for it. Being able to learn about other people’s lives and cultures is a true honor, and I know I will learn so much from this experience and the people sharing it with me in Narashino!